Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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