he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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