your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
