Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
