It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
