i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
