how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
