did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
