We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
