please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
