bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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