"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
