He is such a slut. More and more my type.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
