i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
