Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
