yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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