it wasn't lemon gatorade
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
