New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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