It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
