my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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