I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i need some magic done to my vagina
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
