I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
They have beer where we have blood.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
