This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
