Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
