Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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