you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she smelled like a LAN party
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
