Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
