We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
