Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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