i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
