And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
