Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
