If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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