He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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