You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
