my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
