i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I would fuck him just for his dog
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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