So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
