he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
