Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
