I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Operation Purity has been aborted
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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