Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
