Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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