My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
