Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
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