I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
