I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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