I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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