dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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