Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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