I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
FUCK WHALES
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
