So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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